Silly things I've heard in my life from American non-Asians
Silly things I've heard in my life from American non-Asians. FYI: I'm Chinese, born and raised in New York. Used to be an actor.
================
Her: I-S-A-C-K?
Isaac: Isaac, I-S-A-A-C, spelled the same as in the Bible.
Her: B-I-B-L-E?
=================
Him: If you're going to NYU that means an American kid can't go.
=================
Him: We don't allow ESL students to take playwriting classes.
=================
Him: Do you think in Chinese or do you think in English?
Isaac: I don't speak Chinese.
Him: But do you think in Chinese?
=================
Her: The call was for actors who could play doctors. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: The call was for Shakespearean actors. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: The call was for typical Americans. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: I can tape my eyelids and play a samurai.
Isaac: Can I play the Irish cop?
Him: Don't be ridiculous.
=================
Her: We can't cast you in Pacific Overtures. You'd look funny being the only real Oriental on stage.
=================
Her: Kissing a Chinese guy would really piss off my dad.
Isaac: Want to have sex and give him a heart attack?
=================
Him: You're Isaac? You're not Jewish.
Isaac: I'm circumcised.
=================
Him: Hong Kong action films suck. They're not as realistic as American films.
=================
Him: You can't register for classes without a Green Card.
Isaac: That's a U.S. Passport.
Him: How'd you get a U.S. Passport?
=================
Him: You people shouldn't be allowed to vote. You only vote for what's best for you. You don't know what's best for the country.
=================
Him: You date Asian women too, how come you don't have yellow fever?
=================
Her: Your play is about failing relationships, video games and science fiction. What does that have to do with being Asian American?
=================
Him: Do you think in 200 years Chinese and Japanese culture will merge so that they'll be indistinguishable from each other?
=================
Him: You come to America and you still want to be Chinese? What was the point in coming to America?
=================
Him: I'm more Chinese than most Chinese people I know.
Isaac: And how many times have you been mistaken for me?
=================
Isaac: The Chinese invented gunpowder, paper and noodles.
Him: They also invented Communism.
=================
Her: The only reason why you got the job is because you're Chinese.
Isaac: It never occurred to you that I'm smarter than you?
=================
Her: So nice to meet you. Can you take a look at my computer?
=================
Him: You're in America. Eat American food.
Isaac: Okay, how about spaghetti and meatballs?
Him: Fuck you too.
=================
Her: Tell the waiter what we want in Chinese.
Isaac: Only if you want your order wrong.
=================
Her: What is this we're eating?
Isaac: If you like it, it's better you don't know what it is. Trust me.
=================
Her: Live kill is barbaric. Why can't you people buy chicken in the supermarket like everyone else?
=================
Him: My tax dollars are paying for your education. Do you think that's right?
=================
Him: No, don't give him the gun. There's nothing scarier than an Oriental with a gun.
=================
Him: I love Oriental women. I love their stubby legs and pointed toes. That doesn't make me a racist.
=================
Her: If we imprisoned Japanese people during World War II, it'd be in all our history books.
=================
Her: We have to break up.
Isaac: Why?
Her: You're Chinese.
Isaac: It's not like I kept it a secret.
=================
Him: Stop trying to be so American.
=================
Her: Stop trying to be so Chinese.
=================
Him: Minorities always make race an issue. If you don't make it an issue, it won't be an issue. Next issue.
=================
--And people wonder why race is an issue with me.
================
Her: I-S-A-C-K?
Isaac: Isaac, I-S-A-A-C, spelled the same as in the Bible.
Her: B-I-B-L-E?
=================
Him: If you're going to NYU that means an American kid can't go.
=================
Him: We don't allow ESL students to take playwriting classes.
=================
Him: Do you think in Chinese or do you think in English?
Isaac: I don't speak Chinese.
Him: But do you think in Chinese?
=================
Her: The call was for actors who could play doctors. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: The call was for Shakespearean actors. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: The call was for typical Americans. What are you doing here?
=================
Him: I can tape my eyelids and play a samurai.
Isaac: Can I play the Irish cop?
Him: Don't be ridiculous.
=================
Her: We can't cast you in Pacific Overtures. You'd look funny being the only real Oriental on stage.
=================
Her: Kissing a Chinese guy would really piss off my dad.
Isaac: Want to have sex and give him a heart attack?
=================
Him: You're Isaac? You're not Jewish.
Isaac: I'm circumcised.
=================
Him: Hong Kong action films suck. They're not as realistic as American films.
=================
Him: You can't register for classes without a Green Card.
Isaac: That's a U.S. Passport.
Him: How'd you get a U.S. Passport?
=================
Him: You people shouldn't be allowed to vote. You only vote for what's best for you. You don't know what's best for the country.
=================
Him: You date Asian women too, how come you don't have yellow fever?
=================
Her: Your play is about failing relationships, video games and science fiction. What does that have to do with being Asian American?
=================
Him: Do you think in 200 years Chinese and Japanese culture will merge so that they'll be indistinguishable from each other?
=================
Him: You come to America and you still want to be Chinese? What was the point in coming to America?
=================
Him: I'm more Chinese than most Chinese people I know.
Isaac: And how many times have you been mistaken for me?
=================
Isaac: The Chinese invented gunpowder, paper and noodles.
Him: They also invented Communism.
=================
Her: The only reason why you got the job is because you're Chinese.
Isaac: It never occurred to you that I'm smarter than you?
=================
Her: So nice to meet you. Can you take a look at my computer?
=================
Him: You're in America. Eat American food.
Isaac: Okay, how about spaghetti and meatballs?
Him: Fuck you too.
=================
Her: Tell the waiter what we want in Chinese.
Isaac: Only if you want your order wrong.
=================
Her: What is this we're eating?
Isaac: If you like it, it's better you don't know what it is. Trust me.
=================
Her: Live kill is barbaric. Why can't you people buy chicken in the supermarket like everyone else?
=================
Him: My tax dollars are paying for your education. Do you think that's right?
=================
Him: No, don't give him the gun. There's nothing scarier than an Oriental with a gun.
=================
Him: I love Oriental women. I love their stubby legs and pointed toes. That doesn't make me a racist.
=================
Her: If we imprisoned Japanese people during World War II, it'd be in all our history books.
=================
Her: We have to break up.
Isaac: Why?
Her: You're Chinese.
Isaac: It's not like I kept it a secret.
=================
Him: Stop trying to be so American.
=================
Her: Stop trying to be so Chinese.
=================
Him: Minorities always make race an issue. If you don't make it an issue, it won't be an issue. Next issue.
=================
--And people wonder why race is an issue with me.
posted by Isaac Ho | 8:56 PM
2 Comments:
What, no one asked you to do their laundry? You don't have to be stupid to be racist, but it sure helps. On behalf of all American non-Asians, I apologize.
Wow. *shakes head* People never cease to amaze me. You should write a screenplay about these episodes.
Post a Comment
<< Home